You are faithful...

As I weigh it all out. The what ifs. The what if nots. The possibilities of change. The attempting to know what is truly only yours to know. Yours to show in your time. Income. Jobs. Locations. School. Expenses. Spots at schools. Time. Job searching? Preparing for our future? Advocating for him. Position research? Relocation research?

These what ifs, do not answer. They do not answer his answers. The instill fear. Freaking devil fear. Hesitation. Insecurity. Freaking flesh. Wanting to know all the answers now.

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Grace. Mercy. Forgiveness.

Easier. SO easier to say than to do. I fall for the tricks and manipulation. My own triggers and tricks fall right in line.

Thank you for holding my tongue.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to offer mercy.
Thank you for patience. I know it is there.
Thank you for teaching me to listen.
I thank you know for I know these are yours and you are giving them to me piece by molding piece.

Thank you for another round of patience. Proving this could only be you.
Let it be known, from all over- that I have no idea what comes next. No idea how to even go about it. No idea from where resources will come. Nor which are next.
No idea where we will be in 3 months. None.
But he does.
Again I find myself in a place in my life of being able to 'make things happen.' Only I can't. Early lives would have told me that I could make anything happen with enough drive and determination. No I know- that God must lead. I must listen. Fighting for lead. Well, even I don't want me in charge. Not any more. Thank you God for staying with me, till I saw that. Saw you.
Thank you for what comes next. For this will truly be testament that it can only be YOU. Let this be your glory. May my heart stay open, waiting on the Lord. His provision lasts indefinitely. The God of all that is possible and impossible. Thank you.

Thank you for this child. Sleeping at my feet. For the healing in his heart, mind and soul. His spirit is yours. He is a joyful child. To you be the glory.
Thank you for Jan. She is truly a gift from you. I see that. I see you.
Thank you for the teachers you have provided. Oh my Lord. A heavenly gift. You moved her to him twice. Twice. Twice. Thank you. Thank you for her truth. Her heart given.
Thank you for the unanswered questions. Shown in your time.