You are always with me

Some of these words are from one of your children. Words speaking to me. Through my own fear. Fear of impotence of change.

Trying harder leads harder trials.

“God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible.What a pity when we plan only the things we can do by ourselves.” -A.W. Tozer

Do the things that only God can do.

I will tread through my fear, Lord. Tread. Heavy and fearful. Knowing you are always here. You never leave us in the midst. May my eyes stay on you. May my heart open soften to your words. You are the great healer and sole provider. My peace lies in you.

I lay down my sorrow. My pain. My shame. For the joy of the Lord.

Thank you Lord for never leaving. When I do not follow you hold me loose, allowing me to return time and time again. Forgive me. Please oh please forgive me. Thank you for your second chances. And thirds. I am not worthy. Yet grateful. Full of gratitude for your mercy and grace.

On the way to Church,

"Remember this. You are an amazing child! God loves you. He touched your heart. Momma loves you. God put us together as family. We are adopted."

"But I wanna be peachy!"

sometimes it's

"But I wanna Daddy too!"

Today it's 'peachy'.

"Why can't I be peachy? Why....."

"None of knows the answers to all of the questions. But God knows. We wait on him. We pray. We listen. We open our bible and read. What wisdom can we find? Hearts open, we listen and wait on God. I don't know, honey."

The simple choices

I don't know why I don't have a job right now. I don't know why I can't find even a position that speaks to me. I don't know. But he does. I'm so sure of it.

I don't know why I don't have a job and haven't been working in almost 2 years, but I will forever know this time as a direct blessed hand of God gift of answered prayer. More than I ever knew was possible, it has opened my eyes, to my self, to my extended family, to my Lord, to my community and to my son. More than I ever conceived of 'needing' a "break", Lord gave my son what he needed, a full time care giver. A never had. A new. Renewed. Healing.

So today.. I praise you Lord. On this bright Autumnal day...

...the earliest yet wake up, that did come hours earlier than expected.
...the belly busting laughter listening to a 4 yo's phone conversation
...letting me really see him. know him. love him. Love him.
...eyes to see the humor in the simplest choices
...a 24 foot long trailer, meant for tractors, used for greatest joy of boys play
...earthy slight chill smell of autumn afternoons
...the frozen ground of its sunrise
...the gift that took these photos
...the faith that one day, I'll know how to operate it
...for chipmunks preparing for winter
...the unknowing pied piper always looking to the ground


Thank you Lord. I bow my head in grateful thanksgiving.