So quickly I run

So quickly I turn.

Earnestly praising and giving thanks wanes fast.

Returning to my prideful ways.

Prideful thoughts.

Anxiety masked as false bravado.

When walking forward in faith, should be founded in His Word.

Thank you...
For being the faithful one.
Always.
I fail because if me.
I do your works, only with you. In you. For you.
Thank you for holding me when I stumble.
For the words to repeat, steadying my hands.
For the presence of being home, when what could have been so evidently, surely yours.
For speaking so clearly I knew it was you.
For the tests.
Testing.
Will I run again?
Turn in pride?
I'm sure of it.
You will always be near.
Thank you.
For never leaving.

Saying "thanks" is easy.

Being open hearted truly thankful. Feeling it. Is hard.

Easy can get trumped by Hard.

Opening the word. Not asking for guidance. Wisdom. Patience. Providence. Provision. For self.
Opening the word and just reading. Opening the heart. The heart that is covered by Hard. Without asking. Knowing it will be softened. Faith. Peeling off the layers of Hard. Piles of iron and steel junk. Scrap metal. Hard. Dangerous. Cut you up Hard stuff. Willing it to go away doesn't. Giving it to him. Let him heal. Let him uncover my heart. Let it feel His presence again.

Ask for others. Pray, Lord, I'm stuck doing nothing and have no idea where to turn next. Lord, I'm feeling so alone. Why doesn't anyone want to help? Lord, I need community. My friends have abandoned me.

Or have they?

Lord, let me be a blessing for someone else. Let it all be for your glory. Let me be a vessel for your love.

... for phone calls that say "I need to talk. And I need you to listen"
...for friends who you've blessed with the need to share.
...for letting me be your vessel today.
...for the forgiveness of my sins.
...for the bit by bit unveiling of what will be
...for the tomorrows gifted. New days.